Laundry List of Childhood Memories and Dreams

I found this in one of my piles today.

As a child in the '70s and '80s, I wanted to:

...be a ballerina

...be a model
...to look like Jayne Kennedy or Jeanne Moutoussamy-Ashe
...be a writer
...live near my extended family in Galveston
...live by the sea
...be better in gym class
...be a leader
...be a cheerleader
...wear makeup and pantyhose
...always protect my younger brother
...be a singer
...play the flute
...to play the daughter of the onscreen superhero, Isis and hang with Samantha of Bewitched
...to visit far away places like England and France
...to spend more time with Daddy
...to have a rabbit fur jacket
...to change the world-- especially South Africa
...for us to have extra money to spend on going to places like White Water, Sesame Place, International Wildlife Park and Malibu
...to travel back in time like people travel to cities

Things I actually did as a child:

Collected stones and sea shells

Listened to "black music" and "symphony music" on my big, blue pair of transistor headphones

Roller skated on the sidewalks in the neighborhood and at Starlite skating rink

Played jacks, Uno, concentration, Crazy 8's and Boggle

Bossed my little brother around

Drew pictures

Wrote notes to cute boys

Read Laura Ingalls Wilder, Encyclopedia Brown, Scott O'Dell and Mildred D. Taylor books

Savored every summer and Christmas vacation spent with my extended family in Galveston

Wrote simple books and songs

Babysat a couple of kids named Talisha and B.J.

wore cornrows or an afro jheri curl

Played in mama's makeup

Got in trouble for playing in mama's makeup

Went to slumber parties

Watched a lot of television-- especially loved Fame, Gimme a Break and The Cosby Show as well as soap operas like Dallas, Dynasty, All My Children and the Young and the Restless

Played clarinet-- badly :)

Taught myself to ride a bike after getting over the fear of falling off

Got chased by dogs

could identify familiar songs after hearing a few notes

Experimented with making culinary concoctions

Made sock dolls, doll clothes and quilt patches

Collected Archie comics

Had a good sense of direction and could help visiting family members navigate their way throughout parts of the city familiar to me

Jumped rope, played hand games, freeze tag, Stop and Go and Simon Says with the other kids at Mrs. Ola Mae Giddings daycare

Drooled over Taimak, Tony Dorsett, Todd Bridges, Gregory Harrison, Ralph Macchio, Joe Montana, Rob Lowe

Plastered my bedroom walls with every Michael Jackson poster I could find

Integration

Putting one of my old poems into the play pen--

Integration

In my wildest, craziest dreams
I am the blue-green Atlantic
hugging the Cabo de Sao Roque;
Billowing cluds of Georgia red clay
kicked up at a sanctified tent revival;
Southeastern sun warm
like the tejana negra that I am;
Polaris guiding
Annie Christmas down the banks
of the mighty Mississippi;
A samba sonata,
A reggae riff,
bebop blues guitar,
Flute and violin
Lilting in an aria,
Nyabinghi drums
and soca-lypso punta rock;
In my wildest,
Craziest dreams
My name is Pangea.

(Spring 2000)

My Soul Says Yes (to the MFA)

I've been thinking about whether or not it is wise to take on the responsibility of the MFA program that I applied to. Getting cold feet I guess, especially considering the cost. One big question that my mind has been asking though is can I afford not to atleast try.

The answer came when I got Round One of my nightly sleep (when I lie down with Jared at his bedtime, I end up drifting off and then wake up between midnight and two a.m., stay up for an hour or so reading, tidying, blogging, e-mail checking, self-tending or otherwise piddlin'...)

Anyhow, questions about security versus pursuing dreams are currently at the front of the line in my mind. Like a telegram response, one of my dreams delivered this: I was in a library researching Sally Hemings and Thomas Jefferson. I was so absorbed in the research that I went one level beyond my dream and stepped into the past. Kind of like a trip to Colonial Williamsburg, my research was my time shuttle. When I found myself back in the modern era I was back at the library and had collected a bunch of thin strips of paper (research fragments) that I had stacked and was making neat and organized.

For some reason, in order to go any further with my work and return to the library, I had to get permission from one of the staff members. This made me indignant, but I did as required and continued working (and being delighted by the process) and waiting. Waiting for the yes or no answer.

Yes! Remember that down-at-the-creek scene in the movie version of the Color Purple where a choir and the voice of Tata Vega as Shug Avery sing the prelude "Maybe God is Trying to Tell You Something"? Yes. That's what my mind is repeating now. "Trust yourself and know that it's okay to move forward with your dream/plan/ambition. You have what you need to put the tool to use once it is placed in your hands." This is the answer that came. Now I'm feeling a little like Moses and Jonah: do I really have the courage to listen and act?

Zion in a Vision: Dream Piece

A scroll on which words are arranged in the shape of a Moorish/Gothic pointy-topped church archway. Around the periphery of this congregation of words is a velvety, dark, star studded sky. In the center of the words are three Rasta-Ethiopian angel singers, not still-life like the words and the stars, but animated, dancing. They are women who look kind of like the I-Threes. They repeat with conviction, " I salute you, Jah." Later brought to mind Garnett Silk song, Zion in a Vision and also big idea, "Zion is a state of mind," reaching toward deep peace within.

Image from http://www.spanishliving.com/regional/arts/artists/art_Rondle.php